LOVE AND DATING SERIES - Part 2 C

When Is the Time Ripe?

Greetings my friend,

I want to believe you're doing great today.

So far, it has been an interesting journey with this series, and I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have.

Perhaps you missed the previous post, First Things First, here's a radical summary of it:

"Hold on to every bit of being single and enjoy it until you're old enough to start thinking about finding a marriage partner." ¹

"And why should I stay single?" you may ask.

I'm glad you asked. Here are a few reasons:

1.      singleness gives us space to find out who we really are and why we're alive...; also

2.     singleness allows us to develop our friendships, our hobbies, schoolwork and faith...; furthermore

3.       singleness allows us to keep our hearts whole, saving it as a gift for our life partner one day...; lastly

4.       singleness helps us avoid the sexual temptations that come from dating...;²

Hope that has helped answer your question. Thanks to the book, Reach4Life.

As promised last time, we'll now proceed to know what the proper time to date is. I have reflected on this a couple of times and here's what I've found.

No one can put a certain age range on dating. Although some people go by their country's legal/official age, personally, I don't believe in that. That is because, the age for one to start dating has nothing to do with that person's chronological age, but everything to do with their emotional, psychological and spiritual maturity.

For instance, the legal age in Nigeria is 18. Suppose someone decides to start a relationship at that age, without first having a firm spiritual background, sound moral ethics and an overdose of emotional and psychological (mental) strength, you can rest assured that that relationship wouldn't last because he/she will crack under the pressure.

If these core areas of maturity are not concretely in place - spiritual, psychological and emotional - no one will ever be successful at any relationship. That's because we're dealing with humans, and as humans, we have needs in all three aspects.

I am yet to find a verse of Scripture that tags a particular age as one to start dating, however, here's a key;

"But solid food is for full-grown men, for those whose senses and mental faculties are trained by practice to discriminate and distinguish between what is morally good and noble and what is evil and contrary either to divine or human law."

Hebrews 5:14; Amplified Bible.

Friend, take some time and reflect on how that relates to dating.

Dating is for the mature, the full-grown, those who are of full age, "those whose senses and mental faculties are trained..." Just like an athlete trains himself, constantly exercising in order to build physical muscles, stay fit and in shape, even more so do we need to train and build spiritual, emotional and psychological 'muscles' before getting into a relationship...all for our own good.

Spiritual muscles help you refrain from actions that are not in tune with God's plan for you, supply supernatural power to help you exercise self-control and discipline...; mental agility helps us put issues in proper perspective, make well-informed decisions...; emotional power helps you know how to handle and respond appropriately to the emotional needs of your girlfriend/boyfriend..., etc.

You know, we can't give what we don't have. Therefore the entire process of maturity will not only entail physiological growth, but also a process of growing in the full stature of Christ's love, wisdom and power, so that out of the abundance of that which we receive from Him, we can then lavish on our girl...or boyfriend. That then becomes the time for us to start dating - when we're fully mature spiritual, emotionally and psychologically.

Is there a yardstick for measuring this maturity?

That's what we shall consider in our next post, join me.

Till then,

"I pray that you may have your roots and foundation in love, so that you, together with all God's people, may have the power to understand how broad  and long, how high and deep, is Christ's love. Yes, may you come to know his love - although it can never be fully known - and so be completely filled with the very nature of God.

Ephesians 3:17-19; Good News Bible.

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^{1, 2} Reach4Life, (Colorado Springs, CO: International Bible Society, 2004), p. 507