LOVE AND DATING SERIES - Part 2 D

                                                                                       Measuring Maturity.

Hi there,

We saw in our last discussion, When Is the Time Ripe?, when the proper time to date is. We said that it is when we are mature - spiritually, emotionally and mentally - and not only physiologically or our chronological age.

Some of the major factors that drive us (young peeps/teenagers) to date include; hormones, lonliness, curiosity, media and peer pressure. However, maturity can curb them. At the wake of true maturity is the discovery of our uniqueness, our individualism (which eliminates the crave for peer approval and acceptance, the desire to 'fit in'), thus reducing the pressure to date. Although on our own we do not have the power to overcome the influences of those urges emanating from more natural (rather physiological) factors such as hormones, maturity squares up to the challenge. In both cases, I'm referring to spiritual maturity.

But what's the tool for measuring maturity?

The only way I can measure one's maturity is not by his/her age, but by their values: what they consider right and wrong, their guiding principles of life, on what grounds they base this beliefs; what they consider most important in life; how they respond in times of seeming temptations. True maturity borders on your spiritual, moral and social values.

Remember what the Scripture says in Hebrews 5:14?

Good scholar! It says:

"But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their faculties trained by practice to distinguish good from evil."

(Revised Standard Version).

From that Scripture, we can see that there is clear demarcation between good and evil, right and wrong (remember, your  values tell us what you consider right or wrong). And the mature one is that person who can distinguish between the two by means of [mental, emotional and spiritual] training.

It is a known fact that people respond to situations only according to their set of beliefs. Illustratively, consider Mr. X, who sees ladies primarily as 'sex objects', plus, people who wash, cook and do all other chores. When he starts dating,  Mr. X will expect his girlfriend to be and do all of these, and when she doesn't, guess what happens. Yeah, you're right: he turns her into a punching bag and they eventually break up.

However, on the other hand, take Mr. Y, who has a wholesome view of ladies; knows that they are humans like himself and should be treated as such, only that they are more tender and should be treated even more tenderly, protected, respected, cared for and loved; who believes it is not proper to raise his voice at a lady, let alone  lift a finger on her... Can you tell what will happen when Mr. Y gets into a relationship? Yeah, you're right again, he's the catch for every young lady!

It's obvious from the two who you consider reasonable, responsible...or mature. But if I may ask, why do you consider Mr. Y more mature?

That goes to show the importance of values and their import in a relationship.

Worthy of note: values as used here does not refer to one's own preconceived notions of right and wrong, perception or world view, because they may not always be right - in fact, there are some who believe there are no rights and wrongs! Instead, I am talking about Bible principles and Christ-like virtues.

"But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control..."

Galatians 5:22-23; New Living Translation.

Hmmm... who wouldn't wish  for all of those in their partner (and themselves of course)? They are often referred to as the fruit of the Spirit. That is, the fruit that spiritual maturity produces! It is the depth of your spiritual roots that produce the heights of this fruit. See how they kind of tie with the attributes of love (which should be the foundation stone of any relationship) as listed in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7? All these are direct products of spiritual maturity.

In like manner, emotional, and psychological maturity (which I'd like to refer to as mental prowess) should also begin to yield fruits before we step into dating. Let me state at this point that spiritual maturity [which is the process of growing into the full stature of Christ's love, wisdom, power and character] encompasses the others.

One other benefit of your values, in addition to it being the yardstick for measuring your maturity, is in helping you locate the 'perfectly imperfect' person who perfectly compliments you - both in the areas of your strengths and weaknesses.  They serve as the internal compass, giving you directions to him or her; that person whose goals, life principles and set of belief system sort of matches with yours.

In summary, to answer the question, How do I measure maturity?: Values is the yardstick for measuring maturity.

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Friend, we're gradually coming to the end of this series; we have one more precept left, "Ready? Go!!" We shall treat this in the next post. Join me.

Have a great day.